WASHINGTON — The White House claimed President Trump’s recent move to a local morgue at the insistence of his doctors was “simply a precautionary measure”…
LOS ANGELES –– Local man Eric Dunklin secretly hopes his Tinder date Melissa Chavez doesn’t notice he lied about being Glenn Danzig on his dating…
BETHESDA, Md. — White House officials were alarmed this morning after President Donald Trump discovered a presumed threat to “Get Dead” when scrolling through his…
Increased metabolism, stronger vision, boosted immune system (um, HELLO COVID), reduced cancer risk, lowered cholesterol, and strengthened brain function—these are just six of the endless…
AURORA, Colo. — Desk Sgt. Shane Winchfeld, an eight-year veteran of the Aurora Police Department, was promoted to patrol duty today after emailing an aggressively…
So there I was at a socially un-distanced party at a buddy’s lake house when someone asked if anyone has heard good new music. This…
LOS ANGELES — Ronnie Jordan, the bassist for Los Angeles glam-rock band Humdinger, reached out to his band’s lead singer Dikki Spitz via celebrity video-sharing…
Dinner was supposed to be served 45 minutes ago and I haven’t even pre-heated the oven yet. But who cares about eating? This lasagna recipe…
DENVER — The entire state of Colorado hid 500 tons of legal marijuana in a building-sized Altoids tin prior to a campaign visit from former…
Time to take a fucking stand, people. You are either a dog person: loyal, social, and agreeable. Or you are a cat person: independent, reserved,…
JERSEY CITY, N.J. — Bassist and new band member Dylan McCuskey must eat no less than 3,000 eggs so his band can use the empty…
SALT LAKE CITY — Vice Presidential hopeful and former California Attorney General Kamala Harris switched off the debate camera Wednesday night, obscuring crucial footage of…
GRAND CANYON VILLAGE, Ariz. — Amateur photographer Jim Wagner agreed to photograph a couple who recently became engaged yesterday if, and only if, they tag…
LONDON — Researchers at the London Institute of Hard Rock released new scientific findings today that suggest some British proto-metal bands were capable of starting…
WASHINGTON — Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh tried to create a new judicial nomination process yesterday, in which Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s successor will be whoever…