CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. — Police detained NASA astronaut Charles Washington today as he boarded the Orion V spacecraft during launch preparations, demanding to know if…
WASHINGTON — Luxury fashion designer Hugo Boss AG has been selected to create a bold, new uniform for Immigration and Customs Enforcement [ICE], the federal…
ESSEX, Conn. — Former precocious teen Clarissa Darling has gone from “explaining it all” to spending the majority of her time on Facebook explaining why…
Californians were warned today to protect themselves by staying both inside and outside, due to the ongoing risks associated with the Covid-19 pandemic as well…
2020 has been a shit show. Not here to argue that. However, it was pretty fucking cool when the government gave us that $1,200 stimulus…
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — Self-described “emo kid” and 40-year-old elementary school teacher Tucker Grating reminded his class today that when spelling certain words, it’s helpful to…
AMERICA — An overwhelming majority of rational Americans announced they were suddenly infected with hope, an emotion thought to be eradicated following the 2016 election…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong awakened from a sleep-filled September to the unbelievable news that President Donald Trump and First Lady…
WASHINGTON — President Trump expressed disappointment early Friday morning at being all caught up on his favorite TV shows following doctor’s orders to quarantine for…
Beige cinderblock walls. A broken intercom system. The cold indifference of my captors. If I didn’t know better I’d say this was high school. But…
LONDON — The British-born glam rock guitarist who goes by the name “Scazz Slaughter” has almost definitely got “some dumbass ‘Downton Abbey’-ish” real name like…
Dads: so mysterious, so inscrutable. The word itself conjures questions like, “where do we come from?” “where are we going?” and “why am I never…
BROCKTON, Mass. — Bored police officer Brady Sullivan decided to beat peaceful protesters advocating for racial justice yesterday while only using his left arm so…
You can’t make it 5 minutes online these days without seeing some smug, pale Ben Shapiro- or Charlie Kirk-type screaming in your face about how…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Executives at Neversoft, the developer behind the newly released “Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1+2,” announced today that the latest update to…