CLEVELAND — Engorged Pustule singer Alec Matthewson, recently diagnosed with a debilitating, deadly illness known as spinocerebellar ataxia, realized today that the disease name would…
MIRAMAR, Fla. — Budget airline company Spirit Airlines announced today that they will now offer flights free of COVID-19 for an additional price of $35…
Cops suck. There’s no question about that. I’m not a dumbass boot licker. However, I don’t know if we should be calling for the police…
MANKATO, Minn. — Speedwolf drummer Levi Daniels abandoned his Tama Swingstar kit and assorted hardware yesterday to a “pants-shittingly” large spider spotted on the snare…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — A new podcast by an Indiana University-Bloomington sophomore created to discuss emerging math rock bands abruptly switches between being so quiet as…
NEW YORK — HBO replaced its popular late night talk-show “Last Week Tonight” with “A Week Tonight” following a deterioration of host John Oliver’s ability…
WASHINGTON — The Department of Defense began compiling a report this week aimed at assessing the viability of gender reveal “bombs” as effective weapons in…
It would indeed be astute of you to point out that I am naked, sweaty, and on drugs. However, I can assure you that these…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local distro owner Andy Klein assured you today that the Pelican “Australasia” record on limited edition orange vinyl you ordered from him…
Happy hours are an opportunity to get to know your coworkers, network, schmooze with the bosses, and impress all of the above with your fashionable,…
CHICAGO — Chicago Police Sgt. Connor Ring is on paid administrative leave after he shot a toddler in the face for “getting his nose” at…
What did you just say to me? Why don’t you come over here and say that shit, mother fucker?! Yeah, I didn’t think you, so…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Drummer Aaron Kelmer delayed the photo shoot for his band Baskerville today by insisting on posing alongside bandmates while holding his entire…
Throughout Explosion in the Sky’s fantastic commercial-ography, the Texas post-rock band has provided the soundtrack to some of the most stunning overhead views of Toyota…
ATHENS, Ga. — Punk and new health insurance policy holder Nolan Nowickski is reportedly “going a bit overboard” with the amount of stick-and-poke tattoos he’s…